[ An unknowable feeling sinks into her chest and tightens it, but as it is, there's no telling whether she feels this way because of the way Winter grasps her smaller hands in his, or because of the question he asks thereafter.
...She nods, while her gaze all the while stays fixed on their joined hands. ]
I try to remember everyone's names and their occupation, at the very least. Then, what they enjoy to eat and drink. Where they've been, where they're off to next. Who they travel with.
You go above and beyond so often, you know that? I often find myself in awe of just how much you give to your work, but then again perhaps that's why you're here.
[ She nods when given his permission, but needs a few more moments to think of how she should speak of this. Somehow, it's so much easier when someone prompts her for this information, but for her to simply offer it up without real reason—
Well, no, there is a real reason. She wants Winter to know about these things... ]
Nothing I say is... a secret, exactly, but it's not something I've often talked about, especially at the inn, and especially to guests.
[ A deep breath. NPC dialogue cutscene time. ]
...You know, of course, how long-lived elves are. Astral elves especially, given the amount of time they might spend in the Astral Plane, where time doesn't pass. My family has always been a bit of an outlier even among their people, given how much time we tend to spend outside of the silvery void. But still...
Normally, the inn changes hands every decade. For elves, a stint at the inn for that long is rather short indeed, yes? But for people like us, Winter... we won't live as long. And I've just completed my tenth year...
[ In so saying, the real reason her family had been so adamant about her taking a break... is because her time is up. ]
Not... In those words, no, but I think we all understood, inherently. It's just—
[ She closes her eyes. ]
Time works differently for us, doesn't it? Spending the next ten years doing something else might not feel like such an ordeal for my relatives, but... I could work ten, twenty, thirty years or even more before I would ever want to take such an extended break...
Mm. I think your relatives mean well. Perhaps it is less about giving into the wanderlust in your elven blood and more about deference to your much shorter life. After all, if you give everything you have to the inn, then what's left for Sumina?
[ His gaze drifts down to their joined hands, his thumb lighting brushing over the back of her hand. She's so small compared to him, and yet there are so many responsibilities in those hands, so many lives that come to her for comfort and care, room and board, even if just fleetingly. ]
I think it's worthwhile to speak to them, to make sure they understand that your need for a break needn't be so long. But it's also worthwhile to enjoy your time away, as well.
[ If you give everything you have to the inn, then what's left for Sumina?
That's just it, isn't it? The question that she has been made to reckon with since coming here, where she has no responsibilities, no duties, no... identity. Her days have felt awfully empty without the need to be up to tend to guests, without a long list of to-dos, and so she has filled them instead with "research," with the notion that even if she's not at the inn, she can still contribute to it. It's an emptiness that she still doesn't know what to do with.
...But it helps, that Winter is here. His presence had always seemed a steadying force amongst his fellow Bluecloaks whenever their stays overlapped - how funny, that she'd never thought he might be a steadying presence for her. ]
I know. We are... A tight-knit family, with a few exceptions. I know that everyone has each other's best interests at heart... There's something else, too.
Normally, when someone strikes out on their own and starts traveling, they also... contribute something, to the inn. Something that builds on what our forebears laid out. I'll... never be an adventurer, Winter. Even if I trained myself in other arcane or martial arts and became capable of holding my own, I simply lack the desire. So I've always thought... That taking over the inn, so that the others can travel to their heart's content... That would be my contribution.
[ There it is again, that particular sort of selflessness that he has come to associate with her. So willing to stay behind. To take on the work. To find herself forgettable.
Admirable, in a way, but so very lonely in so many others. ]
Is that why you're so intent on your "research" as well? Because you feel you have to bring something back?
Mm. That's exactly it. I can learn so much here, not just from the library, but from the other guests, too. Just like my more adventurous family members would on their travels.
You know, I think that whatever knowledge you can bring back will be valuable. You needn't run yourself ragged trying to find something. But you also strike me as the type to feel lost without something to drive you. Am I wrong?
I can't promise you that this will be easy, but I think your driving force should be one of self-discovery. This place being what it is, your contribution to your family will likely fall into your lap naturally. So, you should be the focus instead.
[ His grip on her hands tightens just a bit, and he looks at her with a soft sort of smile. ]
And it's okay to feel lost. A journey without a map is a difficult one to make.
[ Self-discovery? Focusing on herself? Hadn't she done enough of that in her adolescent years, at school? Discovering that she had no talent for sorcery, for starters, and...
...No, that's not quite what Winter means, and she knows it. What he speaks of is an undertaking that she has felt dwelling on the horizon ever since she left the inn. To search for the pieces of herself that have been neglected or abandoned entirely ever since she took over... And new pieces of herself, too. ]
Is that...
[ ...alright? To even go on such a journey? She has been wondering... But the word dies on her lips. This is a question with an answer that shouldn't come from anyone else, she realizes now. It has to come from herself. ]
... Hah, I... [ Her starry gaze falls again to their joined hands, veiled beneath her lashes. ] It's a fine suggestion, Winter. Thank you. I can scarcely believe I came here to talk to you about this whole espresso business, and now this...
[ Sumina needs to learn there is more to her than the things she does for the inn and the things she cannot do for her family. People are complex, crystalline puzzles full of shifting light. Three dimensional and gorgeous, fragile and strong.
It's his hope that she learns to see that light in herself, and can come to know and appreciate every hue, every facet. ]
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...She nods, while her gaze all the while stays fixed on their joined hands. ]
I try to remember everyone's names and their occupation, at the very least. Then, what they enjoy to eat and drink. Where they've been, where they're off to next. Who they travel with.
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[ The mention of the reason for her being here stirs that feeling again, bidding her to curl her fingers tightly in his. ]
I'd like to tell you something, too, Winter. It has to do with why I'm here. Is that alright?
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Of course. You can tell me anything.
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Well, no, there is a real reason. She wants Winter to know about these things... ]
Nothing I say is... a secret, exactly, but it's not something I've often talked about, especially at the inn, and especially to guests.
[ A deep breath. NPC dialogue cutscene time. ]
...You know, of course, how long-lived elves are. Astral elves especially, given the amount of time they might spend in the Astral Plane, where time doesn't pass. My family has always been a bit of an outlier even among their people, given how much time we tend to spend outside of the silvery void. But still...
Normally, the inn changes hands every decade. For elves, a stint at the inn for that long is rather short indeed, yes? But for people like us, Winter... we won't live as long. And I've just completed my tenth year...
[ In so saying, the real reason her family had been so adamant about her taking a break... is because her time is up. ]
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Did they tell you as much? That you were being sent away because your time is over?
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[ She closes her eyes. ]
Time works differently for us, doesn't it? Spending the next ten years doing something else might not feel like such an ordeal for my relatives, but... I could work ten, twenty, thirty years or even more before I would ever want to take such an extended break...
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[ His gaze drifts down to their joined hands, his thumb lighting brushing over the back of her hand. She's so small compared to him, and yet there are so many responsibilities in those hands, so many lives that come to her for comfort and care, room and board, even if just fleetingly. ]
I think it's worthwhile to speak to them, to make sure they understand that your need for a break needn't be so long. But it's also worthwhile to enjoy your time away, as well.
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That's just it, isn't it? The question that she has been made to reckon with since coming here, where she has no responsibilities, no duties, no... identity. Her days have felt awfully empty without the need to be up to tend to guests, without a long list of to-dos, and so she has filled them instead with "research," with the notion that even if she's not at the inn, she can still contribute to it. It's an emptiness that she still doesn't know what to do with.
...But it helps, that Winter is here. His presence had always seemed a steadying force amongst his fellow Bluecloaks whenever their stays overlapped - how funny, that she'd never thought he might be a steadying presence for her. ]
I know. We are... A tight-knit family, with a few exceptions. I know that everyone has each other's best interests at heart... There's something else, too.
Normally, when someone strikes out on their own and starts traveling, they also... contribute something, to the inn. Something that builds on what our forebears laid out. I'll... never be an adventurer, Winter. Even if I trained myself in other arcane or martial arts and became capable of holding my own, I simply lack the desire. So I've always thought... That taking over the inn, so that the others can travel to their heart's content... That would be my contribution.
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Admirable, in a way, but so very lonely in so many others. ]
Is that why you're so intent on your "research" as well? Because you feel you have to bring something back?
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Mm. That's exactly it. I can learn so much here, not just from the library, but from the other guests, too. Just like my more adventurous family members would on their travels.
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...Seeing as this is the first time in my life I've really felt lost... I'm inclined to agree with you.
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[ His grip on her hands tightens just a bit, and he looks at her with a soft sort of smile. ]
And it's okay to feel lost. A journey without a map is a difficult one to make.
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...No, that's not quite what Winter means, and she knows it. What he speaks of is an undertaking that she has felt dwelling on the horizon ever since she left the inn. To search for the pieces of herself that have been neglected or abandoned entirely ever since she took over... And new pieces of herself, too. ]
Is that...
[ ...alright? To even go on such a journey? She has been wondering... But the word dies on her lips. This is a question with an answer that shouldn't come from anyone else, she realizes now. It has to come from herself. ]
... Hah, I... [ Her starry gaze falls again to their joined hands, veiled beneath her lashes. ] It's a fine suggestion, Winter. Thank you. I can scarcely believe I came here to talk to you about this whole espresso business, and now this...
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It's his hope that she learns to see that light in herself, and can come to know and appreciate every hue, every facet. ]
I do have a way of surprising people.
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You most certainly do.
[ A beat. ]
Though next time I'd love to be surprised by something other than a botched theft, too, hm?
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You have my word that they'll all be successful thefts from here on out.